I admit that I used to think people who had boundaries were a bit uptight. Lately though, I have been noticing that the kindest and happiest people seem to have boundaries to keep themselves at peak emotional performance. I have struggled with anxiety since I was in my twenties. Now in my mid forties I am finally realizing that I owe it to myself to have more boundaries. I need to learn that saying no will open the doors to say yes to the right opportunities. This has been a very challenging lesson to learn because up until recently I could say yes to most everything and still keep on trucking along thinking that I was super awesome. Lately I can’t do that. I am now dealing with a healing body and mind that need more rest. That has been really hard to get used to. In Rising Strong, by Brene Brown I am learning all about boundaries and mindful relationship building. Here is a big lesson for me with my rumble (rumbles are described in Brene’s book):
- Getting Ready to Rumble – This weekend I got into a fight over how much I was handling and feeling frustrated over not meeting my husband’s expectation and are lack of communication with keeping up with our weekly household duties. Normally, after a spat I just keep going and try and do better without really getting to the root cause. Lack of time and communication. I realized that I needed to work back from why it happened and how I can avoid this from happening next time, I realized I need to map out my week with all the items on it including the kids’s programs and other items to really see properly where I could ask for more help and when. This was a huge revelation for me in order to have a productive conversation with my husband post rumble. I am feeling pretty confident now we are on the right track now.
Here is more on Brene Brown’s Book…. (thanks Clare for your help tackling this too)
Rising Strong – BY BRENÉ BROWN
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.
Social scientist Brené Brown has ignited a global conversation on courage, vulnerability, shame, and worthiness. Her pioneering work uncovered a profound truth: Vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome—is the only path to more love, belonging, creativity, and joy. But living a brave life is not always easy: We are, inevitably, going to stumble and fall.
It is the rise from falling that Brown takes as her subject in Rising Strong. As a grounded theory researcher, Brown has listened as a range of people—from leaders in Fortune 500 companies and the military to artists, couples in long-term relationships, teachers, and parents—shared their stories of being brave, falling, and getting back up. She asked herself, What do these people with strong and loving relationships, leaders nurturing creativity, artists pushing innovation, and clergy walking with people through faith and mystery have in common? The answer was clear: They recognize the power of emotion and they’re not afraid to lean in to discomfort.
Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous. But the process of regaining our footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Our stories of struggle can be big ones, like the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, or smaller ones, like a conflict with a friend or colleague. Regardless of magnitude or circumstance, the rising strong process is the same: We reckon with our emotions and get curious about what we’re feeling; we rumble with our stories until we get to a place of truth; and we live this process, every day, until it becomes a practice and creates nothing short of a revolution in our lives. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness. It’s the process, Brown writes, that teaches us the most about who we are.